One of the most daunting aspects of dating, for so many of my clients, is that fear of rejection. Makes sense, right? Isn’t that apprehension completely understandable? Does anyone out there like rejection? We human beings seek to avoid it like the plague. So, how do we put ourselves out there in the dating word, and particularly in the internet dating world, where the possibility of rejection lurks forebodingly at every turn?
Here’s a new perspective that many of my clients and workshop participants find highly effective: We acknowledge each hint of rejection early on as a special gift, wrapped up beautifully and neatly with a big magnificent bow on the top, and we picture the “rejecter” (for lack of a better word), handing us a special present.
You see, when he/she gives us the clear idea, early on, that there is not sufficient interest to pursue any sort of relationship, we are being saved from all the effort it takes to actually go out on the date, with our hopes up, and then feel shot down. Yay! We learned early on that we are not a good fit for each other and we are saved from investing emotional energy, time, and effort into a lengthier, losing proposition.
So, don’t ignore the early signs; see them for exactly what they are. For example, on an internet dating site, if he/she cannot move efficiently from the email to the phone to the date, what an amazing gift you just received all wrapped up with a bow! If you’re a woman, you didn’t have to put on heals and mascara to find out that he is not really seeking an actual relationship. If you’re a man, you didn’t have to clean up nice and spend money to have your time wasted. The same is true when the promised phone call doesn’t occur, or the cancelation does occur. Close your eyes and say a little prayer of gratitude that you are walking away with a gift and you are quickly free to pursue something real with someone else.
Now, watch how viewing early signs of rejection as special gifts can empower you to be more courageous and open in your search for the love that you desire. Enjoy all of the exciting and meaningful possibilities that you will likely generate…