Heidi Krantz - Professional Life Coach and Speaker
Reinvention Life Coaching
In this article, I was asked to share my perspective on dealing with disappointment in a relationship. Scroll down to see what I shared, you may be surprised. What are your ideas for coping with that kind of disappointment?
Click here for a variety of strategies along with my comments:
https://upjourney.com/how-to-deal-with-disappointment-in-a-relationship
In this article, I was interviewed by Divorce Attorney and Mediator, Deborah Kaminetsky on the role of a Life Coach in the divorce process. Check out what I shared that you might not have thought about before...
http://www.kaminetzkylaw.com/2
The lens through which you see the world and through which you view your experiences is a crucial variable in what you achieve in your life. If you look at your surroundings through a blue lens, you will see absolutely everything as blue, but if you switch to a yellow lens, suddenly everything is yellow. What lens might you be viewing your world through? How is the lens that you are choosing coloring your life?
In what aspects of your life is your lens tinting your experience with a touch of victim mentality which may include hopelessness or guilt? Where in your life are the anger, conflict, and resentment lenses causing you to blame other people or situations for what blocks you from your goals?
The great news is that you can change your experience by consciously selecting a different lens. What type of lens would ignite positive change at work and at home? What would it be like to view the world through the lens of complete responsibility for your reactions without taking things personally? How might a lens in which you see collaborative opportunity in everything around you change your experiences? What about a lens in which you see ways to give genuinely to others wherever you look or you view acceptance and nonjudgment everywhere? How about seeing the world through a lens of inner wisdom and intuition? Imagine switching back and forth between those lenses throughout the day to really experience being “in your natural flow” professionally and personally; when you’re just effortlessly connecting, creating, and expressing your talents and gifts.
Instead of your reactions overtaking you, what would it be like for you to shift your energy and consciously select the reaction that would suit each particular situation and relationship best? The powerful choice of lenses is yours.
The first step towards selecting the lens that will feel best for you is to become aware of the lens that you are currently utilizing in each situation. So, you will need to pause and observe yourself with honest self-reflection. One of the crucial keys to this process is learning how to take that powerful pause versus automatically reacting through your predominant lens. Some ways to create and utilize this pause are: Take a deep breath, commit to doing nothing at all for a moment, and ask yourself if your reaction is typical for you and what could be a different response. This process might require restricting the most reactive parts of you.
Now that you have enabled the possibility of choice, you will need to familiarize yourself with what it feels like to use various other lenses. Draw upon past experience, experimentation, and a vision of a more centered you for this process. As you experiment with each lens, evaluate the results in terms of your feelings, your stress level, your level of engagement, and the degree in which you accomplish your goal.
If you really want to ignite sustainable positive change in your life for this New Year, choose your glasses purposefully and keep them on consciously, even when the glare of another bright color threatens to overtake your field of vision. Toss your victim and anger glasses aside for now and pick up a new pair of lenses that support a more empowered and successful perspective. Then take meaningful steps to create the new year and the life that is truly what you desire.
*Concepts are based upon Bruce D. Schneider’s “Energy Leadership Index” from iPEC (Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching)
*Interested in a more individualized opportunity to benefit from these transformative concepts in your personal or professional life? Contact Heidi Krantz at www.reinventionlifecoaching.com to schedule a unique Energy Leadership Index Assessment and Debrief designed for you, your organization, or your team, and experience the powerful results of changing your lens.
What is actually going on when your clients, co-workers, or family members keep repeating the details about how they have been wronged by someone else? One strong possibility is that they are not feeling “emotionally heard” by you. Therefore, your advice, your solution to the problem, your legal instructions, or your financial guidelines cannot be received and integrated. Their immediate need is not being addressed, so they are unable to shift into taking proactive steps forward.
You can facilitate that shift within just a few moments of time. In your own style, give them the message that you “get” how they are feeling. It can sound like this: “I’m hearing that you are feeling very hurt, disappointed and frustrated.” Or, “It sounds like you are feeling extremely angry and betrayed.” You want to say this using eye contact and a respectful and compassionate tone in your voice, giving your complete attention to the person for those few moments. You might continue to say, “Given what you have experienced, it is very understandable that you would be feeling that way.”
You have now identified and named the emotions that the person is feeling and you have validated that those feelings can be expected given the situation. That does not mean that you necessarily agree with the person’s assessment or behavior. It just conveys that you “get” how they are feeling, given their perception.
Try out the above beginning step towards making others feel emotionally heard. You may be surprised by their relieved reaction, their appreciation, and by their ability to listen to the content that you begin to bring across after that interaction. At this point, they may even be ready to integrate challenging points of view that they were unable to hear previously. Often, when we are feeling rushed, we want to get right to the content or instructions that we need to communicate. The extra few moments to help someone feel “emotionally heard” first, can actually save you hours of breaking through his/her resistance.
So, next time your client or friend keeps ruminating about his/her situation, instead of feeling annoyed and perhaps even hopeless, help him or her shift into a more proactive place by listening in this way. The results are often striking.
Join Professional Life Coach, Heidi Krantz, OTR, CPC at the Divorce Catalyst Conference where she will present additional communication strategies for divorce professionals at her workshop session: “Communication Strategies That Work.” www.DivorceCatalystConference.com
Or click here to schedule Heidi as a speaker for your group or practice: https://reinventionlifecoaching.com/schedule-heidi-as-a-speaker/
I’m still exhilarated from experiencing “Beautiful,” the Carole King Musical on Broadway yesterday. The incredible score that magically touched my soul is not the only aspect of the performance which is causing me to feel this way. A powerful factor in my excitement is that her story completely brings to life the exact concept that I encourage my coaching clients with every day.
This show brings us Carole’s answer to the empowering question that I often pose to my clients: “What did you feel held back from in your previous relationship that you can now accomplish?”
The amazing musical genius, Carole King, lacked the confidence to write the lyrics and perform the incredible music she composed during the younger part of her life. She depended upon her husband’s talent for lyrics, was blinded by her love and admiration for him, and didn’t expand her self-confidence.
When Carole went through the painful, disappointing, and frightening demise of her marriage, she was vulnerable and weak, wondering how she could possibly endure personally or professionally. Somehow, she intuitively found her inner wisdom and her courage which led her to compose, write the lyrics, and sing for her platinum Grammy winning album, Tapestry, and to make her mark on the world forever as an iconic female rock star.
What did YOU lack the confidence to accomplish during your previous relationship? If you can identify that significant answer, challenge the beliefs that continue to hold you back, and break out of your comfort zone, you too can reach the stars that you were meant to reach. Your voice can be heard whether you sing or not, your talents can be recognized, and your gifts can be appreciated by all those who you share them with. Use the enormous power you possess to make it happen. Then, much like Carole King, you will create a new life that is truly “Beautiful.” How would that feel?
I was confronted head on with this question, during the months that I developed my new website for Reinvention Life Coaching. There are so many aspects and facets to what I do and who I work with, that it felt daunting to express it all in an accurate and clear manner. Yes, my graphic designer was an expert at his job, but it was up to me, not him, to figure out the exact answer to the question, “Who am I?”
During the weeks and months leading up to my website launch, I grappled with that question every day and often as I tossed and turned at night. I carefully analyzed who I help, how I help them, why my help is effective, and what my positive traits are that successfully drive this entire process. Eventually, I reached a deep clarity that I think has tremendous relevance to my clients. The act of naming my strengths, talents, and what I have to offer the world was in itself, a profound confidence building experience for me.
Naming these positives in my mind was an effective start, but actually writing them in the form of website content that could be absorbed and integrated by the reader, took me to another level of celebrating who I am. Expressing my strengths out loud on video was a further step in solidifying what I know to be true about myself. Now, posting the new site and sharing it with my clients, workshop participants, and the world, is my most dramatic step in saying, “Hey everyone, this is me, this is the company that I have built, I’m so proud of it, and I’m thrilled to share it with you!”
I am profoundly grateful to have been imbued with the traits that I identified during this quest, including the ability to encourage, to connect in an authentic way, to build trust, and to break down any goal into achievable steps. I know that it is my duty and purpose to cultivate and utilize these traits, as they are unique gifts that were given to me, just as some fortunate people have received the gift of musical talent and it is theirs to develop and share with the world to enhance others’ lives.
My website experience totally validated what I’ve been doing with my clients and workshop participants for years. Coaching is a journey of self-discovery and self-esteem building which involves asking the questions that I posed to myself about who I am as well as formulating written lists and learning to articulate our strengths and positive traits. When indicated during coaching, this journey also involves creating an internet dating profile or a social media description which defines our positives and shares them with the world, much as my website does. The process of discovering our gifts is in a sense more important to our confidence than the gifts themselves. This process is always what I strongly believed would empower my clients. Now I have experienced a new journey for myself, so I can fully join you on yours at an even deeper level, and completely share in the excitement of answering the question, “Who am I?”
How do I dare put those two words in the same title? I dare because they belong together. How so? Divorce can often bring with it enormous pain, difficulty, fear, uncertainty, anger, and sadness. No matter how difficult your process is, or has been, I challenge you to discover exactly what you are grateful for. I’ll take this a step further, what is it that you feel grateful for that directly relates to your difficult divorce?
Are you grateful that you discovered a strength and resiliency that you never knew you had before? Is it your independent spirit that has surfaced which you appreciate? Maybe you are thankful that a pressing tension has been lifted, whether you chose to leave the marriage or not. Perhaps you are grateful that whatever held you back from accomplishing your goals in your past relationship has been removed and you are free now to make them happen. Has your divorce opened you up and made you more comfortable asking those close to you for emotional support? Are you beginning new friendships? Can you now relate to your children in a more open and relaxed manner than previously?
There are countless more divorce related reasons to feel gratitude during Thanksgiving and always. It’s up to you to find them. The negatives may jump out first, so dig past them and choose gratitude. I learned to do it, and I know you can too.
People often ask me what the difference is between coaching and mediation?
How can they work together?
I have invited Coach Heidi to tell us in her own words how divorce coaching and divorce mediation can help people get through this very difficult process…
Continue here.