Heidi Krantz - Professional Life Coach and Speaker

Reinvention Life Coaching

moving-on

It’s Not Just You

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“I thought it was just me” is a familiar phrase of many of my divorce coaching clients, until I assure them that their thoughts and feelings regarding separation and divorce are completely normal. The look of relief and encouragement on their faces is part of why I love what I do so much. During our one to one sessions, as clients explore their pain, disappointment, frustration, anger, sadness, relief, fear, and ambivalence, they begin to feel validated by the fact that their emotions are extremely common and completely understandable.

This phenomenon contributes to my clarity around the importance of these individuals connecting with each other for support, understanding, and to deepen their feelings of validation; and that is precisely what so many have asked for over the years. Clients have requested groups where they can feel safe to discuss what they are going through with others who are experiencing similar divorce related challenges and emotions.

The Family Law and Divorce Firm of Wisselman and Associates understands that exact need within people who are experiencing this life transition. That is why they have collaborated with me and generously offered space in their beautiful Great Neck, New York conference room to host these much needed groups. They are concerned about the needs of people during this painful time, before during and beyond the crucial legal aspect of the process which they so expertly and comprehensively provide.

We have developed four monthly groups to suit various needs of individuals during this transition and there is no fee to attend. I will be facilitating these empowerment groups using a positive coaching focus along with strategies to help you successfully navigate this transition and create the new life that you desire. There will be a different divorce related topic discussed each month along with open discussion, questions, and answers.

These groups are for you if you are:

  • Contemplating divorce or your spouse is considering it
  • You are headed for divorce and you’re not sure how and where to begin
  • You are in any stage of separation or divorce

Choose from the following groups:

  • Separation and Divorce Discussion
  • Women’s Divorce: Moving Forward
  • Divorcing Dads Discussion
  • Divorce Over 50 Discussion

Click here for schedule and further information

Feel free to reach out with questions: coachheidik@gmail.com

At Peace with Ambivalence

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We human beings tend to have difficulty with feeling ambivalence. We prefer to believe that we have things all figured out or that we have formulated our opinion and are comfortable with it. When we can’t categorize how we feel about a situation or a person in a clear way, we feel unsettled, confused, and even anxious.

During all phases of the divorce or breakup process, we often grapple with that uncomfortable ambivalence. We would feel much more settled if we could just identify with one type of sentiment all the time, for example, “I am so well rid of my partner and much better off without him/her,” rather than having a range of feelings and beliefs, some of them even contradictory.

Here’s what we need to know for ourselves and how we can help clients and friends grappling with ambivalence:

  • It is perfectly normal and part of the human condition to feel ambivalence.
  • Give yourself complete permission to feel ambivalence without any negative self-talk about it.
  • Even if you have worked really hard to reach a certain realization or way of looking at a situation, it’s OK if at certain times, the opposite feeling creeps its way into your mind. For example, you thought you were celebrating being rid of your partner, but something triggered you momentarily and you got a stab of sadness or regret.
  • When the opposite feeling surfaces, that doesn’t mean all of your inner work was ineffective, it’s all a perfectly usual part of the process. For example, if you are finally feeling like you are moving on past wanting to reconcile, just because some doubt or fear creeps in, that doesn’t nullify all the strength that you developed nor your desire to create a new and satisfying life for yourself.
  • Even if that opposite feeling that you were hoping never to experience again begins to surface and causes an extreme emotional reaction, it can actually be beneficial to go back and mourn and grieve for a while. You can then move on feeling even stronger than before.
  • Be compassionate with yourself about your feelings of ambivalence, you are still making steady progress, even if it is developing slowly, towards feeling stronger, happier, and more independent

We human beings are extremely complex, let’s accept and celebrate the beauty and the depth in that, welcoming all reactions and emotions without judgement, and persevering along our climb to success in all aspects of our lives.

*Some concepts are based upon “The Internal Family Systems Model” 

*Contact Heidi Krantz, Professional Life Coach, for an individualized plan to work through your ambivalence and create the life that you desire at coachheidik@gmail.com.

Love With A Plan

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I’m always amazed by how we meticulously formulate carefully thought-out plans for every aspect of our lives, including our careers, our education, our parenting, and even our vacations. But when it comes to our love lives, an enormously important aspect of our happiness, we approach our search randomly, with no plan at all. As though we are being carried haphazardly by the current of the ocean, we get pulled toward physical attraction, pulled toward availability, pulled toward whoever happens to be pursuing us, or pulled toward any number of other possibilities that involve no forethought. Then, after a while, we come up for air and wonder how we ever landed in this unsatisfying relationship. Well, here’s a compelling answer: We didn’t start out with a well thought-out plan, and that’s exactly what we need to do. Here’s how to begin…

Construct a list of approximately five well thought-out traits that are your “must have” qualities in a partner. This inventory should not be a long laundry list with every possible detail included; just the traits which are “deal breakers” if they are not in place. This is your own personal list of what is truly important to you, not what “should be” important to you. Define each quality very specifically. Try to include enduring character traits that would still be in place 5 or 10 years from now. Write out your list, taking advantage of the power of the written word, and reread it often.

Beginning with the first few sentences of conversation with a potential partner, actively listen for evidence that possibly shows that this person possesses your “must have” traits. Of course, you will need to get to know him/her a lot better to determine for sure; what you are looking to detect now, is the POTENTIAL that the person has the key qualities that you selected. Keep checking back with your list regularly as your interactions progress.

Here’s the kicker: Make a commitment to yourself to be flexible about all other traits that are not on your list. You will definitely find qualities that you are not thrilled about, but you can learn to accept the person as a total package, the same way that you would want to be accepted with all of your wonderful strengths and weaknesses.

Now embrace your clarity, and get out there and use your well thought-out plan to find new love. Instead of wondering later on how you landed in the wrong relationship, you will know exactly how you found the right one: By following your very own blueprint.

For the complete “Plan for Love” Signature System, join Coach Heidi at the Allegria Hotel in Long Beach on July 20, 2015 at 7PM for a COMPLIMENTARY interactive Singles’ Workshop to jumpstart your dating success! Contact Reinvention Life Coaching with questions at coachheidik@gmail.com www.reinventionlifecoaching.com

Dating Success: “YOUR” Truth or “THE” Truth?

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We all think we know best about dating related issues, right? It’s Ok to admit that. We’re grown-ups, so we have lots of life experience and we definitely know the drill regarding potential partners. You can’t pull the wool over our eyes, now can you? We know what works and what doesn’t, right? Well, maybe. When is it time to challenge some of those limiting beliefs that we’ve been carrying for years, maybe even for a lifetime, and ask ourselves a powerful question: How possible is it that what I believe to be “MY” truth may not be “THE” actual truth?

So, what are some of your dating related limiting beliefs? There are no good men out there? (Out where? In the state, in the country, in the entire world?) All women are gold diggers? Men don’t want to commit? All women want to control you? The negative list goes on..

How well are those beliefs serving you? When is it time to challenge those limiting beliefs? If you are ready to begin the challenge, how did those beliefs develop? When did those beliefs begin? During childhood, teenagehood, on the rebound after a disappointing relationship? Who’s voice do you hear in those beliefs? Parents, peers, media? What about your voice?

When you begin to challenge those beliefs, you may be surprised about how your behavior changes toward potential partners. Many of my coaching clients find that they become more open to possibilities, more relaxed, more curious, more positive, in a nutshell: more appealing.

So, think about shedding those extra pounds of limiting beliefs that are bogging you down. You just may start noticing the potential in those around you that you may have been rejecting before exploring. They may in turn start noticing how incredibly special you are. If your belief system has not been bringing you the love that you seek, try challenging it with questions, if it doesn’t hold up, it’s not likely “THE” actual truth now, is it?

By Heidi Krantz, OTR, CPC

You’re as Beautiful as You Feel

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I’m still exhilarated from experiencing “Beautiful,” the Carole King Musical on Broadway yesterday. The incredible score that magically touched my soul is not the only aspect of the performance which is causing me to feel this way. A powerful factor in my excitement is that her story completely brings to life the exact concept that I encourage my coaching clients with every day.

This show brings us Carole’s answer to the empowering question that I often pose to my clients: “What did you feel held back from in your previous relationship that you can now accomplish?”

The amazing musical genius, Carole King, lacked the confidence to write the lyrics and perform the incredible music she composed during the younger part of her life. She depended upon her husband’s talent for lyrics, was blinded by her love and admiration for him, and didn’t expand her self-confidence.

When Carole went through the painful, disappointing, and frightening demise of her marriage, she was vulnerable and weak, wondering how she could possibly endure personally or professionally. Somehow, she intuitively found her inner wisdom and her courage which led her to compose, write the lyrics, and sing for her platinum Grammy winning album, Tapestry, and to make her mark on the world forever as an iconic female rock star.

What did YOU lack the confidence to accomplish during your previous relationship? If you can identify that significant answer, challenge the beliefs that continue to hold you back, and break out of your comfort zone, you too can reach the stars that you were meant to reach. Your voice can be heard whether you sing or not, your talents can be recognized, and your gifts can be appreciated by all those who you share them with. Use the enormous power you possess to make it happen. Then, much like Carole King, you will create a new life that is truly “Beautiful.” How would that feel?